I accidentally had phone sex last night
no. you can't hotbox the world.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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