I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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