cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
