you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
