Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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