pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
