i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
