I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
The convent might be a nice break from real life
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
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