Whatcha textin bout Willis?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
