I'm so fucking centered right now
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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