I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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