i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Farmville is her only friend.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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