I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
