Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
