Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
