You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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