It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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