We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
