He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
