you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
