are you so shy because you have an std?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
