Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
