I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
