Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
