And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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