wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
