where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
