I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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