porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
