Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
