Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
