I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
