Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
