jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
