it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
