I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
