I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
