in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
