No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
