We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
