just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
