I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
why is half of my head shaved?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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