Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
