I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
