Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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