I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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