i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Randomize
