the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
