I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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