I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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